I Am Strong
by ControversiaLucy
Summary: After Amu's parents died, she was adopted by a lesbian couple. For her whole life she has been bullied because of this and now she's offered a way to start anew. Will she be strong and choose her family, or is the idea of a normal life too good to refuse?
1. Chapter 1

I tried to remain calm. Tried to keep my breathing even. Tried to smile away the tears. But they knew as well as I did that I was failing. Unfortunately, that was my life since I was six. Having two women for parents definitely resulted in constant jeering. There was no way out of it. I didn't blame the people for teasing me; I was an oddity, I was unusual, but most of all, I was their toy. I think the reason they got extra fun out of teasing me as a child was because of how much we all knew it hurt. Just insulting my adoptive parents wasn't enough to make me cry. After All, I had barely accepted them yet. What really got me was the fact that they were also reminding me that I didn't have biological parents anymore. For a five-year-old to go from having parents and a new baby sister to having new parents and no baby sister was a difficult enough transition. Those cruel children did not help in my first year of school. But I don't blame them. They were only doing what would make themselves feel better. And that's what I want. I want everyone to feel good, even if it means I'm sobbing on the floor until a teacher comes and helps.

Saaya Yamabuki was giggling with some of her friends over my outfit. This didn't bother me because I had really only thrown on the sweat-suit because of a lack of clean clothes. It wasn't until she murmured "Maybe her moms were too busy being lesbians to do the laundry" that I could feel rage building in my chest. I should have been angrier but she did murmur it with the intent of me not hearing, so at least she wasn't trying to be cruel. Besides, her parents lost their fortune in the stock-markets and she was practically poor. I felt bad for her, in reality.

"Saaya, would you _please_," I stressed the please, "not insult my parents?" Calm? Check. Even breathing? Check. Tears? I would have to see if I could keep my face clear of emotion until after her response.

"Oh silly, I wasn't insulting them. Just summing up the situation. Are you mad because I'm right?" She laughed and her friends all joined in. In truth, I _was_ mad because she was right. My moms were out on date-night and I was busy doing homework so we didn't get any laundry done. We always do it together. It's sort of a way to bond over simple household chores.

"Yeah well, I'm still insulted." I responded almost silently. The tears were coming. It's not that I'm a cry-baby who can't help but bawl at every snide comment, it's just that now I was remembering some household chores I did with my parents. I would sweep the kitchen with my toy broom and dust with my blankie when my parents were too tired to clean. My biological parents. The ones who I would never see again. I turned on my heel to escape the painful memories but Saaya sucked me back in without even realizing it.

"There she goes. Probably off to cry in the library again. Or to go make-out with some random girl. Lesbians are _so_ strange. Come on, girls! Let's go catch up with Tadase before class!" After I was out of their sight I slumped up against a wall and let out a heavy sigh. I wanted to pretend everything was okay and that my parents and sister were right next to me but I had never felt further from them before. I could hear my mother's stern words: "Amu, one day you're going to have to stand up for yourself and your beliefs. Don't let others knock you down! Be the strongest you that you can be! And remember, crying never solved any problems." These words seemed a bit over-the-top at the time (Who really tells that to a 4 year old who scraped her knee?) but, like the many things my parents told me, I always remembered them. I didn't remember any words from Ami, though. Maybe that's because I didn't know her past the age of two weeks.

"Excuse me?" A deep voice called out to me. I looked up to see a tall, blue-haired boy glancing down at me with suspicion. I blinked a few times before I realized he was talking to me. His features were striking and he had a mysterious air about him. I couldn't see why he'd even bother acknowledging me.

"Um, yes?" I squeaked. It wasn't that I was in love with him, or even had a crush for that matter. I was just feeling slightly intimidated.

"That's... my locker." He said plainly. I could tell he was trying to find a way to word it without seeming rude or aggressive. Apparently I looked as sad and pathetic as I felt. After taking a few moments to realize what he was saying, I quickly pulled myself away from him.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I was just... yeah. Okay, bye." I muttered and sprinted away. His eyes were so inquisitive. There was something about him that made you think he wanted to know you but didn't want you to know him. I could tell he was watching me walk away with possibly an amused or confused expression but I didn't really care. The only thing that I cared about was getting through the rest of my day.

School was tedious and slow. Go to classes, eat, pretend to socialize... it was exhausting. Being in 10th grade at Seiyo Public School was not very fun either. After 6th grade my moms decided to transfer me from Seiyo Academy. My constant crying after school must have been their motivation. Here I don't get teased quite as much. The occasional rude comment and alienation from groups was all I really had to deal with here. I didn't see Saaya or the blue-haired kid again but that wasn't exactly a bad thing. I'll admit, though, that I feel bad I didn't get the boy's name. I decided to call him Lee in my mind.

"I'm home!" I called after arriving at my family's tiny apartment. It was cramped and a bit uncomfortable but it had been my home for eleven years so I wasn't about to complain.

"How was your day, dear?" Asa asked as she flipped through the newspaper. She must have just gotten home from work and wanted to read it because she couldn't in the mornings.

"Um... uneventful." I replied, hoping it would keep her from asking more. I was mistaken.

"Meet any nice boys?" She said casually. Personally, I think Asa would be thrilled if I was a lesbian like her, but I had never really shown my orientation. Never once had I been interested in a boy, except for a slight crush on Tadase Hotori in ninth grade, and I hadn't told her about it. She just assumed I was interested in boys because she didn't really know what to expect.

"I met _a _boy. Can't say if he was nice or not 'cause I really don't know. I sped off before I could find out." I always revealed too much to her. She was so kind and honest to me that I wanted to be the same to her. She shot me a concerned look.

"Now why'd you do that? You might have had something in common with him. I'm still open to chaperoning your dates. Miya never would. She'd probably shoot the gentleman caller with the hose." Ah yes, my other mom who absolutely hated the idea of me dating. It wasn't just dating that bothered her, though. It was more the idea of me dating _boys_. If I brought a girl home, I think she'd be a bit more lenient. Boys were a mystery to her. A mystery that she didn't dare trust. I blame her upbringing for that opinion.

"I had a lot on my mind..." I answered, which translated into "I was thinking about my parents." Asa came up and wrapped her slender arms around me.

"I know, sweety. I know. But it's going to be all right. Go on upstairs and start your homework, okay?" She whispered, gently stroking my hair. I nodded and trotted up the stairs. The homework was a breeze and in no time I was finished. My stomach growled and I decided to find out when dinner was.

"Mooooom!" I called.

"Yes?" Two responses. I always forget that'll happen if I don't specify.

"When's dinner?"

"Forty-five minutes!" Two responses again. That time I was definitely not expecting it. Forty-five minutes to blow? That was an easy one. Time to paint!

My addiction to art started when I was seven. Asa took me to a therapist when the kids wouldn't stop teasing me at school and I refused to eat anything. The lady had me paint a lot of pictures and asked me a lot of questions but I didn't have a problem with it. I sort of just went with it. Before I knew it, Asa and Miya were encouraging me to do anything artistic. Painting, drawing, photography. If it was considered art, I tried it. It took me a few years to figure out that the therapist had suggested I have a way to express myself and release frustration. I guess art fit the ticket.

My egg-shell colored walls were covered in paintings. I couldn't bare allowing them to remain white so I set to work. Painting slowly became my stress-release. Bad day at school? Paint something violent and angry. And that was exactly my plan. Except, this time, I'd go at it a little bit unorthodoxly. In other words, I painted an exact replica of Saaya's head and stabbed it with my paint-brush. Repeatedly. It felt good to allow my frustration to flow out but, at the same time, it felt wrong. I sighed and realized that I needed to handle things differently.

_I could go confront Saaya... _I considered it dreamily. I would go to Saaya and tell her that I wasn't really sure of my sexual orientation. I had never actually had feelings for anyone before so I wouldn't know. I would then tell her not to insult my parents because it's rude and unbecoming of a rich girl. That would make her angry, seeing as she's not rich anymore, and I would come out on top. _Well... maybe that plan could work with some revising. _I decided and scurried down the stairs to tell my moms I was going out. What I found would probably have disgusted the average person, but to me, it was perfectly normal. As normal as it might be to find a mail-man at your mailbox, or a ballerina at a dance studio. I found Asa and Miya kissing on the couch. Asa's auburn hair was tucked neatly behind her ears, probably by Miya, and Miya's short, rugged black hair was in a messy pony-tail. It was not unusual in any way, I had seen them kiss many times before, but for some reason I felt as though it was wrong. But that feeling didn't really make sense to me, so I dismissed it.

"I'm off to... who knows. Try not to get pregnant while I'm gone!" I called out as I opened the front door. They laughed at my stupid joke and I felt good. Why? Because their laughs always made me feel good. It took me a few minutes to arrive on Saaya's road. I only knew where she lived because once, on my way home from school, her and her friends had followed me. They laughed at me and called me horrible names until they arrived at her house. Her friends followed her inside and I continued home, holding back tears.

I was just two houses from hers when a loud thud brought my attention to the opposite side of the street. An angry looking boy stormed out of the house with a shattered bottle in his hands. He carefully tossed it into the trash bag on the other side of the house and sat down in the grass. I paused, unsure of what to do. It was Lee, after all. This was my chance to say hello. To be social. But I was too timid to say anything, so I kept walking.

"Hey! H-hey, you!" A voice called anyways. I recognized it immediately, although because he was yelling, it was a bit higher pitched. I turned to him and gave him a confused look. He didn't waste any time in running over to me.

"Hey uh... this fell out of your back pocket when we met at my... locker." He explained as he held a shiny button out in my hand.

"And you kept it to give it back?" I asked in disbelief. I mean, really, who saves a button?

"Well I know my sister would have an absolute fit if she lost a button. I guess I figured you were the same." Now it seemed as though he was talking more to himself than me.

"I'm not like your sister," I replied and began walking away. Conversing with someone for so long without being teased was unusual for me. In a way, I was in foreign territory.

"Where are you going?" He questioned. Apparently I had piqued his curiosity.

"If you must know..." I began, hesitant to inform him of my plans, "I'm going to go talk to Saaya Yamabuki." He appeared uncomfortable at the mention of the name.

"You mean the girl who's constantly flirting with me?" I nodded my affirmation, though I really could only guess we were talking about the same girl. Suddenly his face became very solemn. "You're going to confront her, aren't you?" I'll admit, I was slightly taken aback. The fact that someone noticed I was constantly being jeered at by the same girl was surprising. After all, I had never met this boy before in my life, and yet he knew this about me.

"Yes," I finally answered. He looked at me sternly.

"I get that you're upset. When someone is constantly teasing you about things that aren't in your control you can get frustrated. But Saaya is a thick-headed snob and she's just going to twist your words and mess with you more. My advice? Don't go talk to her." This boy... he was able to shock me in so many ways. He had seen the things she did to me although I did not see him. He acted as though he was my older brother and was just looking out for me. As if he was emotionally attached to me despite the fact that we had just met.

"How did you know about Saaya and her friends?"

"It's not a secret. She runs around the school telling everyone about how your moms are lesbians and you're a lesbian who sleeps with girls all the time. She says you tried to get with her and when she rejected you, you got violent and almost went to jail. Most of us know she's full of it, but with the way she tells the stories, it's easy to get lost in the lies." If I looked shocked before, I must have looked like I was about to have a heart-attack. All the color drained from my face and I nearly fell over.

"But that's... those are lies..." I whispered. He did not make any attempts to console me.

"I know," He said, though I could tell he wasn't completely sure if they were lies or not. I was too shocked to speak anymore so I began walking again. I didn't want to be near this boy, though that was unfair. I knew the phrase 'don't shoot the messenger' well, but I still couldn't bring myself to forgive the bringer-of-bad-news. "Wait! I... I never gave you my name."

I wasn't sure how to react. This boy was the kind of person who never really spoke to strangers. He didn't like involving others in his life (which I presumed was complicated) and he certainly never went out of his way to converse with people. So why was he talking like this to me of all people? I turned and looked at him expectantly.

"It's Ikuto," He said. The name seemed so much better than Lee. He looked like an Ikuto, too. There was a tentative smile on his face which I returned. I had just begun my first real friendship.


	2. Chapter 2

_To the fine readers of I Am Strong,_

I'm actually quite overwhelmed by the interest people seem to be taking into this story so soon. I have a fair number of people who have signed up for alerts and an unimaginably larger number who have read this (Thank you, traffic stats). I'm sure some of them maybe read the first line and got bored, but there are still quite a few of you who did read it and enjoy it. I hope all future chapters receive a positive feedback from you.

_-Lucy  
_

* * *

I sat in the grass, hugging my knees close to my chest, as I waited. No tears flowed; I was stronger than that. Just another bad day, after all. He would be here soon. Comfort me, console me, treat me the way one should treat a human-being. Lost in thought, I didn't even hear him approaching. His lanky body left him unable to be quiet in the woods so I must have really been out of it to not hear him. He put a warm hand on my shoulder and sat down next to me. We were silent for a just a moment, taking comfort in each other the way we now did. For the last two months I had someone to talk to after school and someone to interact with. I told him my problems and he... well he gave me little tidbits of his. I knew he was hiding something but I couldn't really be sure what it was. I had decided early on in our friendship not to push him to tell me, but I was certainly curious.

"Saaya?" He said, breaking the silence. I shook my head. This earned the exact reaction I expected it to: surprise. "Who, then?"

"The gay kids," I answered quietly. They were so nice to everyone. Very compassionate and kind. But to me... they hated me. I revealed a light purple bruise developing just below my ear. "He missed," I explained. Ikuto's fingers were at the bruise in a moment. He brushed against it so lightly and then sighed.

"I don't understand why _they _are picking on you. They should sympathize with you." He scooted a bit closer and wrapped one of his long arms around my shoulders.

"There's a lot of reasons, actually. For starters, they think I'm a pseudo-queer. Not really gay, just tarnishing the gay name by having gay parents and being straight." I was rambling a bit because of how upset I was, but Ikuto knew what I was talking about. "And they think I should be gay since I was raised in a gay atmosphere. I just don't get it. They are always talking about how they want acceptance but... I don't know. I don't really want to talk about it anymore." Ikuto glanced at me sympathetically and then turned his face from mine.

"I told you that you should have coordinated your schedule with mine. I could be with you more. To... keep the jerks away." He wasn't looking at me, purposefully craning his neck in the opposite direction so as not to see me.

"We didn't officially meet until quite a bit into the school year, though." I reminded him, slightly annoyed at what he was doing.

"I wish I had said something sooner. Spoken to you, told you that I was sorry you were being bullied..." he trailed off. His thoughts were so hard to decode.

"I'm a pretty good actress, actually. It's not too difficult for me to seem okay when I'm in the pit of despair."

"Amu, there are somethings you just can't disguise." We lingered in silence once again, taking in the words the other had spoken.

"So you're a good actress, huh?" He said, changing the subject. I was so thankful he was good at being the first to speak. I had spent years training myself not to respond to people.

"A better artist. Oh, right! You've never actually seen my art, have you?" My mind already began forming a plan. I'd bring him home and he would see my art. I had a few pieces of him, a few of both of us, and some stuff he'd appreciate. In the two months we've been friends I had never brought him to my home.

"No, but we decided not to bring me to your house. Your moms wouldn't like that very much, after all." Oh. I had completely forgotten. Miya would probably shoot him and Asa would assume that meant I was straight and be depressed for a while... best not to get into that.

"Yeah," I said absently, thinking again about other things again. "We could go to your house. Stop meeting in the forest, fast-food restaurants and parks." My suggestion didn't sit well with him. He adjusted himself a little bit away from me and let out a sigh.

"I like meeting in various locations, though." He said light-heartedly. I knew he was trying to laugh off the tension and change the subject. He was good at that.

"Why won't you tell me?" He knew exactly what I meant, as always, and his face immediately went somber.

"The expression 'there are some things better left un-sad" comes to mind."

"Said." I instantly corrected. He looked at me with a puzzled expression. "You said un-sad. Freudian slip, much?" I laughed. I had explained to him a few weeks ago that a Freudian slip was when you said something you were thinking. Like if you were thirsty and also talking to someone about your daughter, you might say 'I love my water to death. We do everything together.'

"Maybe, what of it." He said, now cross. I mumbled something to myself and stood up. Quickly following my lead, because he didn't know what I was doing, I wrapped my arms around his neck and sat there for a few moments. I always felt safe in Ikuto's arms. Like the cruel words of the world couldn't hurt me if I was with him. And for a moment, my sore feelings were numb.

"I'm sorry, I'm busy talking about my problems when you're the one who had a bad day." He murmured, leaning his head against mine. His blue locks brushed against my forehead.

"I'm sorry I keep bringing up stuff that's obviously painful for you to talk about. Let's just forget this and go do something fun." I said, a light smile gracing my face. I didn't know of any girls who could hug Ikuto the way I could, and we were merely friends. For some reason we connected with each other in ways we hadn't expected when we met.

"Like... go to your house?" I broke away from the hug in utter shock.

"Miya would probably kill you and-"

"They're your parents. They love you. And if I make you happy they'll want me around." It wasn't necessary to add that he made me happy in a friendly way. Neither of us ever had romantic thoughts on our minds. Regarding the other, at least. Ikuto could have someone he likes... that would explain a lot. I made a mental note to ask him about it later.

"Well I... I guess that would be okay. I do want to show you my artwork..." So it was decided that we would go to my house. Today. My heart skipped a beat with every step as I pondered over my moms' reactions. Ikuto noticed and gave my hand a quick squeeze to show his support. I was genuinely terrified to see what my moms would say about him (I had never brought a friend home before, let alone a boy) and his steady hand was much needed. Of course, by the time we reached my house, I released his hand. It would add unnecessary explanations if they were interlocked. With a deep breath I opened the door.

"I'm home!" I shouted. Miya was in the kitchen and Asa was setting the table for lunch when they noticed Ikuto. Both of their eyes widened, Asa dropped a plate on the floor and Miya burned her finger. I rushed over to help, leaving Ikuto to stand awkwardly in the doorway. After everything was cleaned up, I brought Ikuto over to meet my parents.

"Moms, this is Ikuto. He's a friend from school." They exchanged nervous glances -Miya's was more frantic than nervous- and shook his hand.

"And when you say friend..." Asa began, eyeing his suspicious blue hair.

"I mean _friend_. As in more than an acquaintance, less than a boyfriend." They were both partially relieved by my explanation, but more than anything, disappointed in my friend's gender. Miya took an uncomfortable step back before returning to making lunch. Asa was the only one capable of communicating with him.

"Will you be joining us for lunch?" Ikuto hesitated with his answer, no doubt mulling over what would be the best thing to say in his mind.

"If i'm invited, I'd be thrilled to spend some time with Amu and formally meet her lovely parents." Asa seemed okay with this answer, and Miya even loosened up a bit, but it was obvious that they were still both unhappy.

"Before we eat," I interjected, "I'm going to show Ikuto my artwork." Miya shot me a warning glare but they still let us go up unattended. Needless to say, Ikuto was impressed. Despite my very few self portraits, he still said that I managed to capture the innocence that is apparently in my eyes. I told him he was spouting bull-crap. The ones of us, the _many _of us, were some of my best. He agreed. He also commented that my singular painting of him was the greatest thing he'd ever seen. I had to disagree. When we were called to lunch, the topic of my grades somehow arose.

"Mostly A's. A few B's. That's the only way you'll buy me more art supplies..." I mumbled the last part.

"And how about you, Ikuto?" Asa asked coolly. She was so smooth about casually slipping something into the conversation that she wanted to know.

"I have a four-point-oh average." He answered without looking up from his meal. I was sure my eyes weren't the only ones to widen.

"You said you had a lot of trouble with school!" I blurted out, forgetting my parents were sitting right next to us.

"I do. Not trouble with school itself, trouble with being _in_school. The stuff they teach us is so simple and tedious. I actually wish they would be more challenging." Almost immediately after saying this his face went entirely red. He had, essentially, just said that school was simple and anyone who wasn't getting a perfect report card was an idiot. I knew this wasn't what he meant but Asa and Miya didn't.

"Excuse me, Ikuto?" Miya began indignantly. "You don't mean to say that Amu is inferior to you, do you? Because I certainly wouldn't say that she is." Miya and Asa were already exchanging angry glances. I knew I needed to clean this mess up quickly.

"Ikuto's a genius!" I exclaimed before even thinking. They all turned to me. "His sister goes to Seiyo Academy... I don't know why he doesn't, but both of his parents are rocket-scientists. His IQ is higher than Einstein's." After a few moments of mulling it over, my moms decided it wasn't so much of an insult anymore and let it go.

"That's interesting. What do you plan to do after high-school, Ikuto?" The atmosphere in the dining room changed dramatically when Asa spoke.

"I'm... not entirely sure. I doubt I'll go into the family business, though." He said, shaking his head. I'd get an earful the next time we are alone. He wasn't going to be happy that I lied about his parents.

"Well, we can't _all _be rocket scientists. It's understandable. Amu, we're finished here. As soon as you're done you can do what you'd like; just leave the dishes to us." I nodded and bolted with Ikuto as quickly as I could.

"We'll go for a walk right after I check my e-mail," I told him as I sat turn and turned my computer on. He decided to treat my room like an art gallery while I was busy and went back and forth from each painting with his hand on his chin, stroking an imaginary beard.

I found a few new e-mails, mostly spam. And then there was one from the National Museum of Art in Osaka. I had sent an application to them about four months ago. Some kids were messing with me about being a lesbian -even though I've never given that impression- and I went home from school early. While online, I saw an ad for an internship in Osaka. The idea seemed so perfect; No one would know my parents were both women, no one would tease me. I'd have a fresh new start and maybe even make some friends while I enjoyed living on my own. And, best of all, it was at an art museum! If I played my cards right, maybe I'd even get a job there! So, naturally, I sent in my application and forgot about it. This was all before I met Ikuto, of course. I was slightly hesitant to open the e-mail but my curiosity won.

_Miss Hinamori,_

_We received your application and were very impressed. The National Museum of Art, located here in beautiful Osaka, has been searching for an intern like yourself. Excellent grades and behavior, talent in art, and a charismatic personality make you the perfect candidate. Before you make any hasty decisions, we invite you to visit the museum, have a quick tour, and talk with the head of the museum. All expenses will be paid and it is a guaranteed enjoyable time. You are permitted to bring one guest with you, should you accept. We look forward to your visit next Tuesday._

_Sincerely Kim Yun, Internship Director. _

I stared silently at the e-mail even after I had finished reading it. There were about a million thoughts clambering in my head, each one desperate for me to ponder over. Finally, I turned to  
Ikuto.

"I... I got in." I mumbled. I was too quiet, though, and he didn't hear. "I got in!" I said, a bit louder this time. Ikuto turned to me and furrowed his brow as he tried to understand.

"To what?" I pointed him towards the computer.

"That's great, Amu!" He shouted. He was all smiles now and seemed genuinely happy for me. Suddenly, his face fell. "Osaka... that's seven hours away from Tokyo." I hadn't realize this until he said it. I knew it was far, but not _that _far. I'd stop being teased, but at what cost? Never seeing my parents or Ikuto? I couldn't live like that."I don't really want to think about this right now. Let's just go for a walk." I said quickly. I needed some fresh air to help me think anyways. Even though I knew I would lose everyone I cared about, the idea of not being bullied felt so much better.


	3. Chapter 3

_So I managed to get my computer to cooperate just long enough to fix MOST of the mistakes. Again, terribly sorry about that. This chapter was released twice in the favor of having something you can actually read and comprehend. Again, a big thank-you to all those who review, favorite, etc._

_I'd like to make a request, if I may. While I enjoy your reviews, they aren't so much reviews as they are comments. I'd really appreciate it if you would give me your opinions on this or that, tell me what you like, what you don't, what I can improve on, and that sort of thing. It means a lot to me as a writer to know that you took the time to sit down and tell me exactly what you thought about the chapter. So, if you have the time and patience, I think you for your critical reviews/critiques.  
_

* * *

I couldn't fight the urge to pull my skirt closer to my knees. Again. Miya had suggested I try something casual yet professional and Asa wanted me to look flirty. I didn't think they wanted to interview me because I was a flirter -quite the opposite, I think they liked my professionalism- but I couldn't go against my parents wishes. Especially after I ditched them.

Well, ditched is a harsh word. I had been complaining to Ikuto that I couldn't decide which one to invite when he suggested himself. At first I laughed, which I immediately noticed really upset him.  
"Ikuto... did you want to come?" I had asked in utter shock. His cheeks were flushed with red and he tried to turn away from me.

"It might be fun if I did. With your moms it would be a field-trip, but with me it could be an adventure." He had worded it so perfectly that I almost wanted to tackle him.

"But they would be upset if I didn't bring either of them!" I reasoned, at the time seriously considering his offer.

"They should let you grow up a bit. I m 16, I can drive. I can be responsible. It should be me." Now Ikuto is a very deep person, and I learned this very quickly after we became friends, but it was still difficult to tell what he meant. At that moment, however, I could clearly read between the lines. I want to go with you more than anything.

I laid my head against his shoulder in the tiny car. We were so close together that I could have napped on his lap. My long-sleeved sweater was getting uncomfortable but I couldn't take it off. Not around Ikuto.

"Hey, Ikuto?" I began as I twirled his shiny blue hair between my fingers.

"Hm?"

"Do you have a girlfriend?" I swear, his heart stopped for a minute. His breathing did too. He tensed and then forced himself to loosen.

"That sounds like something you should know. How long have we been friends?" Was he changing the subject or genuinely asking?

"I don t know... three months? What I do know is that you don t talk about your personal life very much. And we don't really see each other at school too often. So, what's the answer? Do you have a girlfriend?" His grip on the wheel was suddenly much tighter.

"What's it to you?" Is he really so reluctant to tell me?

"You'd be curious if I had a boyfriend and wouldn't tell you..." I mumbled, afraid I was making him upset. He would always get tense when I asked about his family or personal life. Frankly, it caused me to be terrified of asking, but this was something I really wanted to know. Suddenly his hand reached out and found itself on mine.

"Yeah, I see your point." Silence. His hand on mine. My heart beating louder than I thought it possibly could. We had held hands dozens of times before, but right now, there was something besides a consoling touch in his motives. Before I could stop him his fingers brushed against something on my wrist and he jerked his hand away. Within minutes he pulled the car into a gas station, turned the car off, and forcibly grabbed my hand.

Against my protests he yanked my sleeve up and stared at my arm. For a moment I saw a relief in his eyes, followed by a new kind of sadness.

"I thought you might be cutting yourself..." I couldn't think of an answer so I stayed silent. "Care to explain?" I shook my head no, keeping my silence. "You know I can make you talk." Fear flooded into my eyes -that I tried futilely to disguise- and then he did it. The unthinkable. He kissed me.  
It wasn't a romantic kiss, really. Just his lips on mine. No real kissing going on. So I definitely won't qualify it as my first kiss. Even though it wasn't a real kiss my head was spinning just the same. He smirked at me and turned the car back on.

"So you can pick. Tell me or more little surprises like that will come along until we are in Osaka." I shuddered a bit, seeing as Osaka was still a good three hours away.

"Okay, okay, I'll tell you! Just please don t do that again!" I pleaded, my head still swimming. He fake-frowned.

"Am I that bad of a kisser?" He teased. I rolled my eyes.

"Kiss me for real one day and I'll tell you." I know he said something after that comment, but he was so quiet that I couldn't even begin to make it out. "Anyways, it was just some girls. They called me some cruel names, I told them they could shove their insults up their- well I got a little emotional and they attacked me. The principal intervened and I think they are getting detention." He nodded, not really giving any answer. Just acknowledging what happened. After just kissing me to get me to talk, this sort of struck me as under-reacting.

"So they scratched your arms?" Now I decided it was okay to take off my sweater and show him the full extent of the damage. Nothing major, of course. Scratches on my chest, a few on my neck, and one really ugly one going down my back.

"My head is kinda sore, too. From them pulling my hair. There were six of them and they just attacked me." He looked so doleful upon learning this that I thought he may start crying.

"That's it. I m just gonna have to escort you to all of your classes," He sighed, putting his hand back onto mine as he pulled onto the interstate.

"We both know you can t. And besides-" I froze, unable to speak anymore. My mind had been wandering away from what I was about to say. I was actually thinking about how long it took to get to Osaka and how long it would take to drive back. He waited patiently for me to speak again.

"We'll need to get a hotel," I said, shock clear in my voice. His eyes widened and in a few moments he reached this conclusion as well.

"If your moms had realized this they definitely wouldn't have let me take you!" He laughed, squeezing my hand.

"Yeah," I agreed as I rummaged through my purse. "They said the credit-card was for meals and emergencies. I think going to a hotel will allow two kids to avoid driving eight hours in the middle of the night, or, in others words, a potential emergency." He grinned at me and pressed down on the gas-pedal hard, thrusting us forward on the highway.

**OoOoOoOo**

When we pulled into the parking lot, I had to catch my breath. The museum was absolutely striking.

The museum focuses on Japanese and contemporary art, with exhibitions from the museum collection and special exhibitions. The museum s current building was designed to represent the growth and shape of a bamboo plant. Ikuto read from the pamphlet they gave us at the admissions counter. I nodded my head, both acknowledging his words and agreeing that the building was indeed shaped like bamboo. A kind-faced woman lead us into a room off to the side that was labeled Private. She asked us to sit down and then said someone would be in soon. After a half hour a tall man with a thick German accent came in. Although his accent was foreign, he was in every other way Japanese.

"Hello, miss Hinamori. I am Kim Yun, the Internship Director. I trust you re ready for the most incredible tour of your life?" He was most certainly right. Never before had I learned so much about art. But I didn't just learn. I experienced art. I became art. Each piece spoke to me in its own way with its own voice, and I was determined to create a friend for it. A piece equal in splendor. I was inspired. Ikuto, on the other hand, was not impressed.

"It's a stick figure surrounded by a real painting," He groaned. In fact, he groaned whenever he saw a painting he didn't understand. I tried to be patient with him but sometimes me and Yun just couldn't hold it in.

"I tried to tell you, Ikuto! It represents how the artist feels. He feels plain and boring, like he s nothing special. And he s surrounded by a whole world of intense talent and passion, while he sits in the center being worthless. He's a tortured soul and you re disrespecting his art!" Yun smiled at me.

"Very good, miss Hinamori. Reword that a bit and you d make a good tour-guide."

"Yeah well I still think it's just a stick figure..." he muttered, but I decided to ignore that comment. We finished up the museum tour in another hour or so and made our way to the cafeteria. It was packed, bustling with people. Echoing chatter attacked my ears and I strained to tune it out. Yun was shouting something at me but I couldn't hear him. Ikuto tried to tell me but I couldn't hear him either.

My eyes were focused on a little girl in a school uniform about fifty feet away. I don't know why I focused on her; she was one girl in a group of many. But there was something about her that was familiar. Maybe the tired, depressed look in her eyes reminded me of myself. Like we had gone through similar problems. Maybe it was just her eyes in general, which were the exact same shade of yellow as mine. For some reason I found myself walking towards her, wishing for her to look over at me, smile, and say my name.

"Amu, where are you going?" Ikuto shouted as he grabbed my wrist. When I looked up again, she had disappeared from the crowd. A sense of mourning overtook me, but I quickly disguised it.

"Nowhere, nowhere. Let's eat!"


	4. Chapter 4

We pulled into the hotel around 11 at night. Well, _hotel _is the wrong word. It was really just a motel with free breakfast and a swimming pool. But, hey, I'm not complaining. As we checked in, the woman at the front desk gave us dirty looks. I know exactly what she was thinking too. Two teenage kids checking into a motel in the middle of the night. What could they possibly be doing?

"I'll alert the maids to clean your room immediately upon departure," she muttered, mostly to herself, confirming my fears. I wanted to reassure her that we were only friends but it really wasn't any of her business. Ikuto cringed when he saw our room was right in front of the swimming pool.

"I just don't like water very much," he explained. I sighed and opened the door to our room. It wasn't very impressive; two queen beds, a miniature fridge, a television, and a bathroom. That's all we got.

"Dibs!" I shouted as I jumped on the bed closest to the T.V. Ikuto smiled at me for some unknown reason. I figured it was because I was happy. Most of the time I was depressed and angry because of how I was treated. But for some reason, when I was around Ikuto, all the anger melted away and I was myself again.

"Oh? I thought we were going to share a bed," he teased and joined me on the bed.

"Nope, not happening."

"Well, why not?"

"Because there's no reason to."

"You think I'm a pervert, don't you?"

"No, I just don't trust you."

"Well you shouldn't."

Silence. My heart was beating far too loud.

"Are you scared?" Darn it! My heart was as loud as I thought. I shied away from him and pretended to wash my hands in the sink.

"Of course not," I answered, pouring too much soap on my hands. He followed me to the sink and sighed.

"What are you hiding?" He always seemed to know when I was hiding something. Was I bad at disguising my emotions or was he good at reading them? I was about to tell him to mind his own business when a thought occurred to me.

"What are _you_ hiding?" I met his gaze with a raise of my eye-brows. He turned from me and returned to the bed. Instead of responding, he turned on the T.V. and began to search through the channels. Undaunted, I sat next to him on the bed and wrapped my arms around him.

"I'll tell you if you tell me." I bargained. He mumbled something under his breath and clicked the television off.

"You first." I was slightly in disbelief. Ikuto was actually willing to talk about his secrets. And all I had to do was tell him the rest of mine. But… there are some secrets I'd prefer to keep to myself. I tell him everything about myself and my family, so why should he get more secrets? I suddenly felt the urge to clutch my secrets to myself and never reveal them to anyone. Why should I? They're mine. And they're all I have.

But it wasn't as though _no one_ knew my secrets. Someone, somewhere, knew one of my secrets. Even if it was just one, there was not a single secret _someone _didn't know. So I could share one more with Ikuto. Just one, though.

"When my parents died in that car-crash, I wasn't an only child. I actually had a five-week old baby sister. Asa and Miya weren't prepared to take in two children, so my sister went to live with someone else. I don't know who, I don't know where… I just know she's out there somewhere. And I need to find her." Ikuto's face became very solemn as he took this information in. Perhaps now he understood why I often asked of his sister, or why I'd get a little depressed around big families.

"My sister, Utau, was bullied as a kid. When she got older, she became a lesbian. As time went on, she realized she was actually bi. And, eventually, she came to know that she had been straight all along and was just confused. A lot of people hate her for it. Homophobes, homosexuals, everybody. Because she was gay. Because she is no longer gay. They are so cruel to her." Another silence. But it wasn't an awkward one; it was one of understanding. Now I knew why he was so attracted to me. Why we began our friendship. It was because he understood my pain, having experienced it with Utau. He must have seen me the same way he sees his sister and pitied me.

"So why did you hide her from me?" I began to tear up now, imagining how this girl and I could have bonded. We who could understand one another.

"My family is… complicated. My mom was a lesbian but did some crazy things so she was committed to an asylum. My dad… I don't even know where he is. Utau, besides being lesbian, bi, and then straight, is showing signs of schizophrenia, which is very strong in our family tree. And, of course, I'm required to hold the family together. It's a lot to bear." A sense of awe overtook me almost immediately. This poor boy carried the weight of the world on his shoulders and there was no one to help him. Except me.

"Ikuto… neither of us really knows exactly what the other is going through, but we can help each other. We understand better than others. Let me… let me help you." He shook his head slowly, allowing my words to sink in.

"You have helped me. It's easier for me to be around Utau and assist her. I just wish you knew how helpful you are." More silence.

"You're not sleeping in my bed." Ikuto stared at me in total disbelief.

"How did you do that?"

The next morning we drove home. There wasn't a whole lot of talking because neither of us had any clue what to say. Ikuto had brought up some painful memories and I could tell he wasn't taking it well. It was like kicking the sand in the water; the sand would shoot up and engulf everything around it before it finally died down. I figured Ikuto wouldn't be back to normal at least until we were home.

"You don't have to ask, you know," he pointed out, although I had absolutely no idea what he was referring to. "You can come over and meet her some time. It's fine with me. Just a warning though, there aren't any adults at my house. Except for my aunt who stops by every night." I wanted to make a joke right then, but I'm glad I stopped myself. Referring to the time I told my parents that Ikuto's parents were rocket scientists might bring on some more painful memories.

"Sounds good. Let's just see if I'm allowed to," I replied, thinking about the punishment I might get when we pulled into my house.

After an hour long lecture, discussion, and scream-fest, my parents finally forgave me for spending the night at a hotel with Ikuto. I explained to them that nothing went down and how there was no way we could drive home and they finally agreed. But not before grounding me for a month.

"I'm sorry," Ikuto apologized. He didn't really plan for it to happen and didn't want me to get in trouble so of course I forgave him.

"Don't worry about it. It's just a month. But… there is one thing you could do to keep me from getting grounded even longer," I said, anxiety clear in my voice. He looked at me with sincere curiosity and frowned.

"What?"

"Get off my balcony."

* * *

I apologize for the untimeliness of this chapter but I had to scrap it and start over. I hope you enjoyed it.


	5. Chapter 5

This chapter will be very short. I hope you don't mind. I'd like to earnestly thank everyone who has reviewed and everyone who has read.  
In this chapter, Amu basically reaches a conclusion. A conclusion you and her may not like. But, nevertheless, this is how she feels right now. She is a confused young teenager on so many levels. Hopefully you can sympathize with her and won't be too upset at her rashness. Enjoy~

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I quickly packed my back-pack to dodge the flow of students. I had left class early on account of a throbbing head ache and didn't think getting plowed and trampled would really help. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about Utau as I dashed down the hall. She was Ikuto's sister and so much like me. She was confused, parentless, and desperate for stability in her life. Of course, I actually _have _parents –although they aren't biological- so she must be much worse off. The part that bothered me the most was that she was showing signs of Schizophrenia. Ikuto had said that mental illness was very prominent in his family tree. He also assured me that he was one of the exceptions, the _normal _ones. But I still worry.

The more I thought about Utau's personality, the more I considered her appearance. Probably tall and lanky like Ikuto, a brilliant smile, and long blue hair. A beauty queen. Perfect. I sighed as I thought about how plain I must seem to someone like Ikuto. After all—

"Oh!" A voice exclaimed. It took a few moments, but I realized I had bumped into someone. A short girl with brown hair gave me an apologetic smile. "I'm so sorry! I suppose I was just absorbed in my book and I didn't notice you."

"No, no, I wasn't paying attention and ran into you. Sorry about that." I glanced down and noticed her backpack had fallen and spilled all of its contents. She smiled again as I bent down and reloaded them.

"Thanks," she murmured, never taking her eyes off me. They were intense and filled with a kind of passion. She was special, that much I knew.

"I'm Chizu!" She introduced cheerily, holding a manicured hand out to me.

"Amu," I answered, shaking it hesitantly. Something was drawing me to this girl, but I wasn't sure what.

"What do you say we get to know each other over coffee? I know a great little coffee place on the corner by my house." My stomach was twisting about and I was sure I may vomit, but I didn't. Thankfully. I nodded my assent and fiddled with my nails. "And, just to be sure you know, I am asking you out on a date." I could barely breathe. Even though I was myself, I had absolutely no idea what I would answer. I decided to let my brain do this without me and just say the first thing that came to my mind.

"Yeah, sounds great." She gave me an even bigger smile this time and lifted her backpack onto one shoulder.

"Okay, that's perfect. I have to get home, but I'll see you tomorrow and we can talk about the details. Until then," and she walked away without another word, leaving me standing like an idiot in the hall. I stared at her in awe as she disappeared from sight. What had I just gotten myself into?

The walk home was awkward in ways I didn't understand. It was the same awkward feeling I would have gotten if I had a boyfriend and he had witnessed that exchange. Just… an uncomfortable silence. But I was participating in this silence with myself. Weird.

_I'm going on my first date… with a girl. _The realization struck me like a frying pan to the head. Was I a lesbian? Was I bi? Was I straight? What on earth was going on! _I need to talk to Utau. She can help me understand my feelings better than anyone._ But there were two significant problems with this conclusion. Not only was I grounded, but I hadn't even met Utau before. Why would she be so eager to treat me like a best friend?

"Hey Amu," Ikuto said, interrupting my thoughts.

"Oh. Hey." I answered, returning to them. I couldn't help but be absorbed; my life was so unusual right now.

"You okay?" He glanced at me uncomfortably, perhaps noticing the butterflies I was feeling. But… that's not possible, right? Even for someone as perceptive as Ikuto?

"Of course! It's just-" but I couldn't make the words come out. For some reason, I couldn't bring myself to tell my best friend about my date. Of course, that didn't make any sense.

"Just…?" He prompted, looking inquisitively at me. And deeply. And concernedly. And… oh gosh! I need to stop!

"I can't talk. I have to be home at a certain time as part of being grounded," I told him, avoiding the answer I didn't want to have to give. He sighed but said goodbye.

At home, I got the usual questions from Asa and Miya; how was your day, make any friends, fail any tests, and so on. I gave them all my generic answers, leaving everything out about Chizu, and went to go paint. My deepest emotions always managed to come out when I painted, even if I didn't mean them to, so I decided to scrap my first three paintings. They just… weren't family appropriate. Sometimes when I'm confused, I sit down and figure out exactly what I'm confused about. And that's exactly what I did.

"I'm confused about… Ikuto, Chizu, my sister, and my family." I began to myself. "Ikuto because I've been acting strange around him. Chizu because… she's a girl… and I have strange feelings for her. My sister because I don't know her and I wish I did. My family because the internship in Osaka is a very good opportunity." Suddenly I began indignant.

"And if I go to Kyoto, the kids at school won't bully me! I won't be an outcast! The first person to interact with me besides Ikuto won't be someone who just wants to date me! And maybe I'll even find my sister! In Osaka, I'll have a job, make new friends, and experience life in a totally different way! So why the heck would I stay here?" Without the slightest hesitation, I sent an e-mail to the museum and asked them for the details on my internship. Why shouldn't I accept it? Who or what was keeping me here? Nothing. I don't need anyone. I need Osaka.


	6. Chapter 6

I am very pleased with the progress I am making in I Am Strong. Putting my own personal views out there for a moment, it's wrong to bully people, no matter what the reason. Does that mean I totally support homosexuality 100%? Not necessarily. However, bullying is inappropriate.

I'd like to personally thank each and every person who has read, reviewed, favorited, alerted, etcetera. That is to say, I'd LIKE to, but I can't. I don't know the names of the silent readers so there's not much I can do about that. Thanks to everyone anyways. This story has reached nearly 1,500 hits.

* * *

I stared uneasily at the yellow slip of paper in my hands. Sprawled out in a feminine handwriting were directions to the Jin-Sing coffee house and the time to be there. One in the afternoon. Today. I told myself I was ready for this, but every inch of my body was nervously jittering. I became aware of the sweat on my forehead and the wild pace to my steps as I approached the coffee house. I, Amu Hinamori, was going on a date. With a woman.

Chizu was waiting inside and had already ordered me a drink. The names were all in Italian and I couldn't read their letters so I just assumed it fit to drink.

"So, how do you like the place?" She asked as she took a sip of her 'cappuccino'. I quickly surveyed the area. A dainty little shop, the ambiance was calm and relaxing. Here and there I could see busy people typing away on their laptops. Nothing particularly struck me as worth looking at except the art on the walls. And, maybe, the pastries. I couldn't resist glancing at the pastries every few minutes. They were crafted so perfectly. Everything about them sucked me in; the taste, the look, the smell… I actually ended up buying two of them, even when Chizu said she didn't want any. Apparently, she was 'watching her figure.'

"It's not the kind of place I would go into on my own, but I'm sort of glad I did," I admitted as I eyed my strawberry-and-cream tartlet. Chizu grinned widely at me.

"I know! This place is _so _fabulous!" Something about Chizu really bothered me. She was unusually feminine and unnatural. She spent hours each morning on her hair and make-up, bought an entire new wardrobe every other month, and wasted every weekend in a spa.

"Chizu… can I ask you something?" I probed after an uncomfortable silence. She nodded, flashing me another smile, this time revealing bleached teeth. "Why did you invite me here? I mean, we meet in the halls one minute and the next we're going on a date?"

"Oh, well, that's somewhat of a long story." I waited impatiently for her to continue but she seemed like she didn't want to. Finally I convinced her to. "See, I transferred to Seiyo Public High School less than a month ago. I was bullied for being a lesbian and finally I decided to leave. I had heard that Seiyo Public was more tolerant. When I arrived, I immediately began hearing all these awful rumors about 'Amu Hinamori'. I mean, really, really terrible! Naturally I didn't believe any of it because that's exactly what happened to me. I started asking questions about you and, when I met you, I felt like I already knew you."

"But how did you know it was me?"

"There are only, like, four girls in our city with pink hair so I recognized you immediately. Anyways, we don't have any classes together and I've never seen you at lunch, so I figured that might be my only encounter with you. Would _you _pass up on such a perfect opportunity? So I asked you out!" Another smile… does this girl ever stop smiling?

"Ah."

When the date ended, I found myself smiling as much as Chizu. She was so charismatic, approachable, likeable. Kind and considerate. Sure, I could make a list about all the things wrong with her, but I didn't choose to dwell on them. We walked outside of the shop, me laughing, her practically wheezing.

"That was really fun, Chizu. I'm glad we did this." My weekend was totally altered, but it was worth it. My parents and Ikuto would never know I lied to them, I could paint later, and most of my homework was completed.

"Yeah, me too," she giggled. After a moment of silence, she added, "Maybe we could exchange numbers. You know, so we can do this again." For a moment, just a moment, my heart stopped. I had the same feeling in my gut as when she asked me out the first time. Once again, I decided to let my brain answer for me and just not think.

"I… don't know. This was fun and all, but I'm really not the dating type." Her face fell at my words.

"Is it because you're afraid the bullying and rumors will get worse?" I wasn't actually thinking it, but once she said it out loud, I realized the truth to her words. My hand trailed up to the back of my head, where some girls had thrown my head into a wall the day after Chizu asked me out. Word travelled fast.

"No, no, it's not that. I just don't feel that I'm ready to be in a relationship. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I don't want to force you to be uncomfortable. Well… maybe I'll see you around?" She managed a weak smile.

"Hopefully," I answered. We said our goodbyes and I walked home, a 'frappe' in one hand and the cookbook for those pastries in my other.

_**OoOoOoOo**_

"Amu!" Asa called as I entered the front door. I smiled at her and ignored her inquisitive glares. She didn't need to know about Chizu. I wouldn't tell her. I couldn't tell her.

"Where have you been?" She asked, not looking up from her newspaper.

"Out with Ikuto," I responded flatly. It was so difficult to lie to Asa! Before Asa could prod be about more questions I hurried up to my room. There was so much to do. The museum had replied to my e-mail and given me very specific details. The internship in Osaka was well paying [though most internships don't pay at all] and they would assist me in paying rent on an apartment. At first, I was shocked by their generosity. People don't just dish out several hundred dollars a month without an ulterior motive. I later discovered that a new kind of scholarship would be the main thing assisting me. Not that it really mattered to me where the money came from.

Of course the apartment bills, groceries, clothes, and anything else would all be my responsibility. But I was sure I could handle it. I would be sixteen in just a month, after all. Ikuto didn't need to know that I was planning on taking the job. My parents… that was another story. When would I tell them? _How _would I tell them? Besides, if they refused to consent and co-sign the lease on the apartment I wouldn't be able to go. Suddenly, second thoughts attacked me. How could a dumb kid live on their own seven hours away from home? I'm not even old enough to vote! For a moment, I didn't want to leave home. I didn't want to leave my new friend Ikuto. Was I supposed to just abandon everything I cared about because of a little bullying?

"Yes," I whispered to myself. I didn't need to tell anyone how much it hurt me to leave. I would suffer in silence and let them be happy. That's just me.

**OoOoOoOo**

When I told Asa and Miya about the opportunity, I was met with mixed emotions. They wanted me to be happy and they wanted me to experience new things, but at the same time, I was too young for t_hat _experience. Young teenage girls aren't supposed to go live on their own. I respected their opinion a lot but then they triggered something. Maybe it was teenage hormones, maybe it was my rebellious side, but something was triggered.

"You aren't even my _real _parents! What makes you think you get a say in where I live?" I yelled and ran up to my room. They didn't bother me for the rest of the day and it felt really bad. I hadn't meant to say that and hurt their feelings. Was there anything I could have said that wouldn't have hurt as much? I wanted them to feel better. I wanted to remind them how much I loved them. But what could I possibly do? Compromise? I could give up my dream and stay here to prove how much I care for them. But… no. I couldn't do that. I wanted to move to Osaka more than anything. Was there a way I could manipulate them into letting me go? But that wasn't a very daughterly thought…

"Hey," Ikuto's voice appeared in my room. I didn't know where the heck it came from so I sort of spazzed out a bit. I looked around and finally found in on my balcony.

"When did you decide to make that my front door?" I muttered as I unlocked it. He came in quietly and sat on my floor.

"I wish you had carpet," he mused as he scratched at the wood. I rolled my eyes and went to turn off my computer.

"So, what's up with the Osaka deal?" he asked even quieter than before. I guess he could tell I was in my room for a reason. Or, even worse, he heard me scream at my moms. I froze up as I considered what to tell him. Was now really the right time? Conflicting emotions attacked me and I finally decided to tell him. He deserved to know, right?

"Do you have any other friends?" I asked, trying not to seem like I was dodging his question.

"Sure. Acquaintances, really." He studied me carefully as I put some clothes in my closet.

"So, if I was gone, it wouldn't really be a big deal?" We were both painfully still as I awaited his response.

"You're going, aren't you?" His voice sounded… pained, almost. I nodded my head, my throat not allowing me to speak. "What was the final straw?"

"The day after I agreed to go out w-" I froze. I almost just told him about Chizu! But he wasn't really paying attention, right? I mean, Ikuto doesn't really pay attention to detail, right?

"What?" No! No, this can't be happening! I didn't want him to find out this way! NO!

"Eh, don't worry about it," I tried desperately to evade the question. Ikuto didn't look like he was going to drop it but he let me continue. "The day after I did something, some girls found out and started picking on me. I just ignored them and they knocked my head into a wall. There wasn't much the principal could do because they weren't even from our school. He called the police on them for trespassing but they haven't filed bullying charges yet." Ikuto looked very sullen at my words.

"What was this _something _you did?" He asked suspiciously. I wasn't sure what to do. Should I tell him? Should I lie? Was there really anything I could do? I mumbled something and pretended not to hear him when he asked me to speak up. Finally, I gave in.

"I met a girl… her name is Chizu. We went out on a date." Ikuto didn't make a sound. I saw a combination of things in his eyes; hurt, fear, confusion, and pure hatred. I wanted so desperately for that hatred to be directed at anyone but me.

"You…" he seemed like he was going to say something but decided against it. Standing up, he opened my sliding-doors and climbed down off my balcony without another word. I wanted to cry in the silence of my room but I was afraid my parents might hear me and come up. So, instead, I sat down and began to paint. A decision was made at that moment. No one would have to worry about me disappointing them or hurting them anymore, because by the end of the school year, I'd be in Osaka.

* * *

So, what's your take on bullying? Not just bullying due to homosexuality, but in general. Have you ever had a personal experience with a bully? What's the best way to handle one? Is Amu handling the bullies correctly, or is moving to Osaka a way to avoid her problems instead of facing them?


	7. Chapter 7

To everyone who has been paying attention to this humble story, thank you. It means the world to me. I'm working on getting better at my writing every day.

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"We're looking for the death certificates of Midori and Tsumugu Hinamori," Ikuto said. I sat nervously behind him, twiddling my thumbs. Why? Because the woman who he was asking also happened to be the mother of someone who bullied me. I actually got that girl expelled, and her mother definitely remembered me. Ikuto didn't know why I was hiding behind him and trying to stay out of sight, but I don't think he really cared. In fact, he didn't seem to care about anything anymore. Except finding my sister.

After the whole Chizu incident, I finally told him exactly what happened. A few days passed and he finally forgave me. Since then he hasn't said a word about it and keeps to himself more than usual. The only thing he's really enthusiastic about anymore my sister. I can't even begin to imagine why, but I don't really understand Ikuto in the first place. It took a lot of arguing before I finally agreed to search for her. He said I could meet Utau if I let him help and I couldn't resist. Utau… the mysterious girl who just might be the key to understanding myself.

"Over there," the woman directed. If I hadn't have been with Ikuto, I'm sure she would have politely brought him over to the exact location. But I was, so we were on our own. After sifting through several drawers, we located a folder with 'Hinamori' printed on it. Inside were both death certificates as well as funeral pamphlets. Ikuto directed my attention to a particular line on the pamphlet.

"The couple is survived by their five year old daughter Amu and their two week old daughter Ami," I read aloud. _Ami. _I couldn't remember that being her name. "Is there anything about where she is living?" Ikuto sighed and shook his head.

"They wouldn't put that sort of thing on a funeral pamphlet. But I have no doubt in my mind that everyone at this funeral knew. They'd all be asking about the two little orphans. If only there was some way we could contact them…" He trailed off, thinking harder than usual. A familiar thought crossed my mind. Why? Why was he so anxious to find Ami? But I didn't have time to wonder as he soon had an idea.

"I bet the funeral home would have that information. They save everything. Come on, I know where this is."

We drove to the funeral home in total silence. Ikuto didn't seem to want to talk and I was too timid to talk. Lately, I wasn't telling Ikuto about being bullied. He knew where a scratch or a bruise came from so I didn't feel the need to explain. Yesterday… it was awful. This girl had been verbally abusing me since last year and I had just been ignoring her. She told me she thought I was an ugly lesbian with no friends so I turned to her, smile, and asked her if she knew anything about me. She was completely taken aback.

"W-where do you get off saying that?" She demanded in her prissy voice. I rolled my eyes.

"You still haven't figured out, for the year and a half that you've been laughing at me, that I'm not a lesbian?" Normally I didn't care but this girl… I _wanted _her to know the truth. But that would mean I also wanted acceptance from my peers, and I didn't really care. I had never cared what people thought of me. Right?

"You don't know what you're talking about," she spat and turned to walk away.

"Think about it. Have you ever seen me say or do something lesbian-ish?" A sort of knowing-look appeared in her eyes as she stared at me. She began to whisper 'no' when a group of girls appeared.

"Kana! What are you doing with the gay tramp?" They laughed as they circled around us. Kana didn't say anything for a moment.

"She's not a lesbian, guys. Quit picking on her." Her friends had the same taken aback look that she had, but not the realization in their eyes.

"Did you get brainwashed, Kana?" One of them demanded. She then started yelling at them for being cruel. There was a lot of screaming and name-calling and, when it had ended, Kana was no longer allowed in their group. I wasn't sure what to say. This girl who had bullied me for over a year suddenly stood up for me against her friends. Who else in the world would do that? But in order for her to stand up for me, she had to lose her friends. Because of that, I felt awful.

"Kana… you didn't have to do that. I can't get you alienated from the school as well." I tried to convince her for the remainder of our between class time but she wouldn't listen. She shook off my pleas with a light-hearted grin.

"Do you know how wrong I was about you? I listened to petty gossip and actually believed you were like the rumors said, even though I had no proof. Those girls are exactly the same. I can't be around them, you know? Thanks," she was genuinely thanking me. I was simply elated. So why was this experience awful? Because she is now completely alone at school and it's all my fault.

Ikuto, who would normally ask me what I was thinking about when I was silent, muttered something to himself and turned off the car.

"Let's go, Amu," I followed him inside and continued to muse over the Kana thing again. He did all the talking and sleuthing while I considered ways to get Kana popular again. Every scenario was bad for me but would help her immensely. Was that a fair deal? As long as she knew the truth about me, I'd be willing to do anything to help her.

"I've got some names and I even recognized one. I think we should start with her." I nodded and followed him to the car, still deep in thought. "Amu, is everything okay?" He asked. I could tell that he had wanted to ask that question for a very long time by his tone.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" I didn't mean for it to come out so harsh and unforgiving, but it did. He just half smiled and continued driving.

The name he recognized belonged to our Japanese Studies teacher. She was a very kind woman but also very secretive, so I doubted we would get much out of her. But, then again, this wasn't a murder investigation. We just wanted to know about my sister. She invited us in and instantly handed us a plate full of cookies.

"Oh Amu, I remember when you were born. Your mother and I were fairly close friends and I brought her dinner a few nights. When Midori passed… well, you can imagine how I felt." She whispered the last part. I resisted the urge to cry. My emotions tried desperately to get the better of me but I would not allow it. I would not cry over my fallen parents. I was stronger than that. I _am _stronger than that.

"Mrs. Kidori, we're trying to track down Ami. Do you know what happened to her?" Ikuto probed. The clear determination in his voice was worrying. Why on earth did he care so much about finding Ami? Especially when he was being so cold to me.

"Oh… Ami… that poor little girl. She had your eyes, Amu. Did you know that? In all honesty, you both had your mother's eyes. That's the first thing I noticed about her." My attention piqued. Ami had her eyes? And they shared their mother's eyes? I hadn't remembered these seemingly minute details about her family. While I was soaring in a nostalgic wonderland, Ikuto was growing impatient.

"But who got custody of her—"

"Is she happy there?" I interjected. Ikuto unsuccessfully tried to hide his irritation while Mrs. Kidori smiled to herself.

"I believe a nice family in Osaka adopted her. And Amu, there's no need to worry about her happiness. I heard she has four other siblings." Simultaneously, my hopes rose to new heights while Ikuto's were dashed down to nothingness.

"Thank you, Mrs. Kidori." Ikuto said through gritted teeth as he stood up to leave. I followed him quickly, elation the cause of my footsteps, not my own will. Ikuto turned on the car and began driving me home. He looked pained. Almost tortured. Something that was said had abruptly devastated him.

"Ikuto, isn't it great? I'm moving to Osaka! I bet I'll meet her!" I didn't decide to ask him though. I wanted to talk to my best friend about how happy I was instead.

"I can't believe this!" He moaned, slamming on the gas pedal.

"What? What's going on Ikuto? Slow… slow down!"

"I wanted to find where Ami lived so I could convince you to stay! I thought if I found her you'd have a reason to stay in Tokyo. But now… now I've just given you every reason to leave! I'm such an idiot!" He wasn't paying much attention to the road anymore, but then again, neither was I. Ikuto was trying to get me to stay all along. That was his reasoning. How could I not have figured that out?

"No, I'm an idiot, Ikuto. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to think I was scheming. Or that I 'claim' you. You're free to date whoever you want and I respect that, but…" I didn't have time to react to his words. The only thing I could do was reach over and turn the wheel quickly so we rammed into a row of bushes as opposed to the 16-wheeler trailing towards us.

_**OoOoOoOo**_

I let out a moan as my hands found their way to my neck. Slowly I became aware of voices, noises, and my surroundings. A small hospital room, it appeared, that I was sharing with a stranger. My mothers happily alerted the nurse that I had woken up and began prodding me with question. How do you feel, are you okay, do you remember what happened, and things like that. I didn't really feel like answering them though. The nurse said this was normal, as my dose of morphine hadn't yet worn off.

"I think… I think I was in a car with Ikuto…" I began. Asa smiled encouragingly and told me to continue. "But then we crashed in some bushes and… my head really hurts." I moaned again as the doctor came in.

"Well, miss Hinamori, glad to see you're awake. You didn't sustain any life-threatening injuries. Just whiplash and bruising around the back of your head. You'll be fine. In fact, you're free to leave whenever you feel up to it." My parents thanked him repeatedly. Once I knew I was okay, my thoughts trailed to someone else.

"Is Ikuto okay?" I checked. Shouldn't we be in the same hospital room? That would make more sense.

"He's dead." Miya answered solemly. I just about fainted from shock at that moment.

"Miya, that's not funny! Don't scare her like that!" Asa scolded. "He's fine, dear. Even fewer injuries than you." I sighed in relief as the pressure in my eyes diminished.

"She deserves it. She nearly scared _us _to death. If you hadn't been okay, Amu, we would have killed Ikuto ourselves." I don't know why, but I let out a laugh. It was ludicrous to be laughing in that situation, but for some reason, I was _happy. _My parents were glad that I was okay, Ikuto was in less pain than me, and I was pretty much fine. And, to top it off, I knew where my sister was. There were only a few things left for me to do before I moved to Osaka, and then everything would be happy forever.

* * *

Amu and Ikuto's relationship is on thin-ice at this point. They're both upset with each other but they both want to forgive the other.  
Who thinks I'm going to send Amu to Osaka? Who believes she'll stay? Let me know why as part of your review. And don't forget to tell me what you liked/didn't like if you do review. Have a nice day~

- ControversiaLucy


	8. Chapter 8

I squeaked in delight upon reading my e-mails. The Osaka museum was willing to reschedule my final interview to next week. And, since I was already in Osaka, I would search for my sister afterwards. Granted, I didn't know anything about her, but I'd worry about that bridge when I crossed it. It would still be several months before I could move to Osaka and I had so much unfinished business, but I was confident my life was starting to pick up.

School was slow and tedious, but I found it easier to focus than usual. When I passed Ikuto in the halls, he managed a forced smile and a nod. I didn't want to push him though, because he was going through a difficult time right now. Utau's mental illness was worsening and she wasn't doing very well. I made it my mission at that moment to meet and speak to her as soon as possible.

At lunch Kana came and sat next to me. She was so kind to do that but I could not allow it. At every encounter we had she was alienated by another person. Her friends dwindled to a few people willing to be around her and nothing more. I had ruined her. That was another thing I needed to fix before I left; Kana needed to get her reputation back. But for the moment, as she would not listen to my pleading, I enjoyed my temporary friend.

"So it's just been you? No other friends?" She asked with a casual grin as she piled food into her mouth. I thought back as far as I could, desperately seeking an amiable person. There were some in kindergarten I suppose. A few in second and third grade. Ikuto and Chizu, though I didn't talk to Chizu anymore and Ikuto… well I didn't want to dwell on him if I didn't need to.

"Pretty much." I twirled my fork around in my mashed potatoes. My appetite had all but disappeared in the past few days. I attributed it to teenage anxiety so I paid it little attention. Kana mumbled something and pouted at me.

"I have a friend who goes to a different school named Rima Mashiro. Would you like me to introduce her to you?" I nearly gagged. Introduce _me _to _Rima Mashiro_. I had certainly heard of her. Known for her cold demeanor and many fanboys. I had no interest in meeting her.

"That's… that's all right. I wouldn't want to ruin her reputation too," it wasn't a very good excuse but Kana recognized the hidden undertone and dropped it.

"After school would you like to come over my house?" The hesitation in her voice was not disguised well. Many things must have been going through her mind at that time; would I think she was coming onto me? Would I reject her invitation flatly? Was I feigning friendship with her? Eager to ease her obvious discomfort, I smiled and agreed to. We would meet in the parking lot immediately after school and I would call my parents to tell them.

I passed Ikuto after school on my way to the parking lot. This time he shot me a genuine smile and waved at me. I was curious as to what had changed since the morning but I didn't want to keep Kana waiting. I managed a smile of my own and continued running. Boys were so confusing…

"Amu, over here!" Kana shouted as I approached. At that moment I sensed something was wrong but I dismissed it. That was my greatest regret. Asa had always told me to trust my instincts yet, when I needed to most, I didn't.

"Hey, Kana. Want to get some ice-cream before we head over your house?" I asked as I dialed Miya's number. She was happy to hear I was going to spend some time at a friend's house (as long as that friend wasn't Ikuto) and told me she'd reimburse whatever I spent. Ice-cream was my treat! We hadn't been walking for ten minutes when Kana noticed an abandoned park and insisted on going in.

"This is where I got my first kiss," she explained. "I want to revisit it, if you don't mind." The place had certainly changed, according to her description. Children no longer played here so it was fairly dilapidated. Despite the grass to our thighs and dangerous looking wild-life she still desired to go in. I didn't stop her but I felt it necessary to stay away from the swing-set. That thing looked like it was going to collapse.

"Johnny was his name. A nice American boy visiting here last summer. Best two weeks of my life. And when it was time for him to go home, I let him kiss me. Just a peck on the lips, I was only fourteen, but it's still memorable." I smiled at her. No one had ever shared anything so personal with me. Maybe Ikuto, but he was always reluctant so it didn't count. I wanted to thank Kana for being my friend but I didn't get the chance.

Out of nowhere a figured emerged from the bushes. I saw it from the corner of my eye and turned to face it just in time. In moments the figure had pulled out a gun and aimed it in my direction. I screamed to get down and covered my head as I fell to the ground. I wasn't the only one who fell to the ground. I heard three solitary things from that moment before I blacked out; the rustling of bushes from an escaping criminal, the anguished cries and moans of my companion, and a police officer saying they were on their way.

_**OoOoOoOo**_

After I was discharged from the hospital, Miya slapped me across the head then pulled me into a tight embrace.

"This. Is. The. Second. Time. You've. Been. In. The. Hospital." She said through gritted teeth. I apologized over and over again to her and Asa when I got home but they weren't really angry with me, just worried. When Asa learned that I was okay she immediately began to worry for Kana. I assured her that my companion was okay but that wasn't entirely sure. Kana had been shot in the chest and was lucky to be alive.

That wasn't the only time I was attacked in that week, but it was certainly the most notable. I was even featured on the news. Unfortunately, they interviewed me the day after a girl beat the absolute snot out of me so I didn't look very good. And, to top it off, the girl who beat me up got arrested. That's a good thing but I didn't want _her _to get arrested! I wanted it to be the shooter!

Getting shot at was the thing that brought me and Ikuto back together. I remember the agonized look on his face as he came through my balcony. He wasn't concerned with getting caught or finding me fresh out of the shower; his only thought was _is she okay_? He brought me into a deep embrace and wouldn't let me go.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm doing just fine."

"Don't be cold with me, Amu. Are you hurt?"

"Three shots fired, none of which hit me."

"Absolutely fine?"

"My legs are still itchy from the grass…" I murmured, half serious. He smirked at my poor attempt at humor and smacked my arm.

"I really don't want to go to jail for murder, but either I do or that guy does," he commented, completely serious. Well, probably not, but he was so good at being grim without meaning it.

"Kana isn't dead." _Yet, _I added. It was very possible that she could die.

"You know what I mean." We spent the remainder of our 'reunion' being all-around doofuses. I'm sure my parents heard us up here and knew it was Ikuto but I guess they didn't care. Maybe they figured he was the best therapy I could get right now. I told him about my list of things to do before I left, which he took with a grain of salt.

"So you really want to meet Utau that badly?" He inquired, full of bewilderment. I nodded. "Well… okay, I'll bring you over in a few days. But you have to tell me something." My eyes widened immediately. I was completely elated at the thought of meeting the elusive Utau. I imagined her long blue hair and eyes, her haunting beauty, her powerful aura. These were the only possible descriptions for her that I could come up with.

"Anything!" I assured him, my eye starry.

"Are you…" he seemed more hesitant than I expected, but why? Was his question awkward? Was it rude? Did he not want to offend me? He would not meet my gaze. "Gay?" My eyes bulged at the exact moment my jaw dropped. I should have maintained more composure than that but his question caught me completely off guard. Unfortunately, I didn't know how to answer it.

"I… er, I don't… um," I stammered as I frantically hunted for the words. Distress was written clearly on my face. While I struggled to answer his question, his face fell.

"That's all right. I sort of figured you didn't entirely know. That's why you want to meet Utau, right?" I nodded, content with not speaking anymore. It's as if, with just one question, he had completely stolen my ability to speak.

Provided I had the permission of my parents, Ikuto would bring me over to his home on Saturday to meet his sister. Because Ikuto and Utau lived more or less alone, with only the short, daily visit of their aunt, I would be alone for almost my entire stay. Ikuto and I both concluded that my moms wouldn't tolerate that, so he suggested making it our little secret. It made me uncomfortable to lie to them but what else could I do? There was no way Miya would let me be alone with Ikuto without any parental supervision so the only solution was to not mention it, but that was so-

"Oow!" I howled. While occupied with my thoughts I dropped the glass dishes I had been putting away. They shattered on the ground and I, being barefoot, ended up with a sliced foot. Asa ran in to see what happened and startled me so that I tripped and fell. At the end of the day my feet were wrapped and there was a long gash running down my leg. I was in a lot of pain but I didn't want to worry my moms so I remained silent about it. After all, I had no reason to be upset; I would be meeting Utau soon.

* * *

_I'd like to dedicate this chapter, albeit a short one, to the couple in Texas that was shot. One girl was killed and the other one barely survived. Of course, the murderer hasn't been caught yet so they can't prove he did it because they were lesbians. I'd also like to dedicate this chapter to my lovely readers. For some reason you've taken an interest in this mediocre story. To my silent readers, you're loved too, don't worry. ;)_


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